The poems posted here on JANUARY 27, 2012 were all written in 2006. They are not the only poems written in 2006 but are selected from what has been previously published/posted on my MySpace.com blog during that year. There were also two complete collections not included in this current collection, posted in the MySpace blog in 2006 which were written in previous years -- MEET THE BEATS (poems dedicated to the Beat Generation writers and written over the preceding 30 years and collected on this blog here), and NATASHA'S PERIL (poems written in 2004 and published privately in a limited edition until their appearance in 2006 on MySpace).
The collection here features predominantly spontaneous, fairly unedited work that was written and almost immediately put into the MySpace blog. Not the most polished or ethereal scribblings ever but the energy and urging of the present moment makes their inclusion illustrative of the writing mind in a tumultuous, transistional, roller-coaster period.
The titles that appear are listed below appear in reverse chronological order than written. If you are the orderly type read from the bottom up. Don't ask.
APPETIZER
GRAPHIC ART
TIMES TWO
COMPASS POINTS
ESSENCE
POEM FOR THREE FRIENDS
TRAIN 186, AUGUST 29
SWIMMING HOLE
THE TAO OF BUTTERFLIES
THE POLITICS OF DESIRE
FAREWELL CODY BOY
CRUEL WORDS
all poems listed above (c) 2006 Brad Riesau
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Appetizer
Half way through the appetizer
I was treated to dessert--
The swift realization
In a short few minutes time
That all was as I had expected
That time has not proven the wiser
That what was real then
Exists as firmly now
As the notion of sun, stars, moon and sky--
That the memory of what was right before
Remains as certain now
And again
Our timing out of sync
But what a joy the ease of falling back
Into each other's orbits has been.
Instant buzzing goodness.
Delicious connection.
Mmmmm, another helping,
please.
~ for SV, BBC, 12/4/06
I was treated to dessert--
The swift realization
In a short few minutes time
That all was as I had expected
That time has not proven the wiser
That what was real then
Exists as firmly now
As the notion of sun, stars, moon and sky--
That the memory of what was right before
Remains as certain now
And again
Our timing out of sync
But what a joy the ease of falling back
Into each other's orbits has been.
Instant buzzing goodness.
Delicious connection.
Mmmmm, another helping,
please.
~ for SV, BBC, 12/4/06
First published in my blog on MySpace.com/v32unes
Graphic Art
Where did she come from?
Out of some ether
Some chemical solution
From a stone ground image
A tanned, golden-hooped memory,
From a past brimmed with conflicting emotion
Lost chances
Grabbed and misguided solutions.
Years gone by
Loves, life and time showing its hand.
We met, back then,
at her instigation
In spite of my usual hesitation
And we laughed and talked and held on tightly
If for such a delectable though fleeting moment
and she ran her hand thru my hair
She told me that I was passion incarnate
Not using that last word specifically
But in my nostalgia thru the years
It has had a nice ring to it.
The important fact is that the word that proceeded it
Was all hers as it rang in my ears for over a quarter of a century.
Are we that much closer to death?
Indeed, and she has never looked better
All mom's good genes
In those denims of her own
Strutting confidence and vulnerability
The latter just hinted at, perhaps for fun
She seems imbued with so much of the former.
Secure in her beauty
Her world
Her laughter ringing out over plates
Of spicy Thai fare
Her eyes dimming the beauty of the usual phalanx
Of Asian lookers
And her mane, a luxurious net casting about
Pulling in glances of our persistent busboys
Every one sneaking frequent peeks
Ready to please
And me?
I have her attention for this glorious moment
This dear friend
Long lost but never far from my memory
My short, sweet litany of those who mattered
Who somehow found it in their grace and power
To love me.
Faulty, fallible, fumbling, foolish me.
And like a handful of others
Her mirrored glances,
Caring touches
Soft kisses
Perfect words
Filled me with a glimmer of reflection
Of someone I could strive to be
Someone
Worthy of their affections.
Feels good.
Finally. At home in my own skin.
~ for SV, Big Bear City, 12/4/06
First published in my blog on MySpace.com/v32unes
Out of some ether
Some chemical solution
From a stone ground image
A tanned, golden-hooped memory,
From a past brimmed with conflicting emotion
Lost chances
Grabbed and misguided solutions.
Years gone by
Loves, life and time showing its hand.
We met, back then,
at her instigation
In spite of my usual hesitation
And we laughed and talked and held on tightly
If for such a delectable though fleeting moment
and she ran her hand thru my hair
She told me that I was passion incarnate
Not using that last word specifically
But in my nostalgia thru the years
It has had a nice ring to it.
The important fact is that the word that proceeded it
Was all hers as it rang in my ears for over a quarter of a century.
Are we that much closer to death?
Indeed, and she has never looked better
All mom's good genes
In those denims of her own
Strutting confidence and vulnerability
The latter just hinted at, perhaps for fun
She seems imbued with so much of the former.
Secure in her beauty
Her world
Her laughter ringing out over plates
Of spicy Thai fare
Her eyes dimming the beauty of the usual phalanx
Of Asian lookers
And her mane, a luxurious net casting about
Pulling in glances of our persistent busboys
Every one sneaking frequent peeks
Ready to please
And me?
I have her attention for this glorious moment
This dear friend
Long lost but never far from my memory
My short, sweet litany of those who mattered
Who somehow found it in their grace and power
To love me.
Faulty, fallible, fumbling, foolish me.
And like a handful of others
Her mirrored glances,
Caring touches
Soft kisses
Perfect words
Filled me with a glimmer of reflection
Of someone I could strive to be
Someone
Worthy of their affections.
Feels good.
Finally. At home in my own skin.
~ for SV, Big Bear City, 12/4/06
First published in my blog on MySpace.com/v32unes
Times Two
Compass Points
NORTH
Magnetic pull
Strong and silent
Comfort in the solace
Of changing seasons.
Ritual
Routine
Stalwart stoicism
Dimpled smile
In the face of daily rigor
Plowing ahead
No instruction
No procrastination
Action
Simplicity
Focus.
SOUTH
Saucy
Sultry moist heat
Pretending to embrace fully
Something guessed at
Yearned for
Glimpsed
Surface grin
Inner fear
Vibrant attachment
To flux
Boundaries fixed
Finagled
Reconfigured
To suit the moment's
Rationale
Exuberant nosedive
Bungee'd back to earth
Loose
Tension.
Dream
Nightmare
Passing eye's blink
Smile's coaxing turn.
EAST
Balanced
Tactile
In her moment
Reaching out
To bring together
Connect
The open space
Between us all
By being herself
Working at it
Living it
Courting it
Seducing self
For others
Now from then
Feeling her power
Deeply
Stirringly
Endearingly
Valiantly.
WEST
A magnificent wreck
of strength
Fortitude
Will
Focus
Motion.
She is not the moon
But the weight of its pull
On the tides.
Mysteriously
Forthright
Deliciously confused
And loving it.
Like me
A conundrum.
Answers not always
Self-applicable
But always
Searching
Seeking
Answers.
Strong and silent
Comfort in the solace
Of changing seasons.
Ritual
Routine
Stalwart stoicism
Dimpled smile
In the face of daily rigor
Plowing ahead
No instruction
No procrastination
Action
Simplicity
Focus.
SOUTH
Saucy
Sultry moist heat
Pretending to embrace fully
Something guessed at
Yearned for
Glimpsed
Surface grin
Inner fear
Vibrant attachment
To flux
Boundaries fixed
Finagled
Reconfigured
To suit the moment's
Rationale
Exuberant nosedive
Bungee'd back to earth
Loose
Tension.
Dream
Nightmare
Passing eye's blink
Smile's coaxing turn.
EAST
Balanced
Tactile
In her moment
Reaching out
To bring together
Connect
The open space
Between us all
By being herself
Working at it
Living it
Courting it
Seducing self
For others
Now from then
Feeling her power
Deeply
Stirringly
Endearingly
Valiantly.
WEST
A magnificent wreck
of strength
Fortitude
Will
Focus
Motion.
She is not the moon
But the weight of its pull
On the tides.
Mysteriously
Forthright
Deliciously confused
And loving it.
Like me
A conundrum.
Answers not always
Self-applicable
But always
Searching
Seeking
Answers.
~ written 10/3/06 and published the same day in my blog on MySpace.com/v32unes. Written for four important women in my life through the years.
Essence
Look at the sky.
The clouds are our actions, our thoughts
Sometimes white filled with sunlight,
sometimes black and ominous, holding rain
But they are momentary
Fleeting.
The sky always is.
The sky is our being, our essence.
Look through the clouds
See the sky.
The clouds are our actions, our thoughts
Sometimes white filled with sunlight,
sometimes black and ominous, holding rain
But they are momentary
Fleeting.
The sky always is.
The sky is our being, our essence.
Look through the clouds
See the sky.
~ September 17, 2006. After having attended Connie Irving's memorial service and having an emotionally transcendent moment, I went to lunch with friends and talked about how she touched us all. When I went outside I stopped in my tracks and looked at the sky and went home and immediately wrote down the poem above. I sat in my living room and randomly opened a brand new book on Buddhism by Osho and found three sentences that paraphrased almost verbatim what I proffered in the lines above. A day of epiphany. This poem first published 9/17/06 in my blog on MySpace.com/v32unes
Poem For Three Friends
REASONS
I'm going to the funeral of a woman that I barely knew
Because I believe she was kind to people.
I believe she was a generous spirit
And a giving soul.
So many people I know say the same.
I go because of her smile and laughter
Brightened my day whenever we met
Because her husband, quick with a pun,
Long on fun and good vibes
Always made me feel comfortable
Whenever I was in his sphere.
I believe that part of what makes us human
Able to live with the vicissitudes of this finite life
Is the sharing of our grief
The absorption of each others pain
To help us all lessen the hurt.
A gift of compassion.
I go to her funeral to say goodbye
To praise her life
Send her on her peaceful journey.
Later I will sing songs of joy and sadness
Meditate on transcendence
And living a life of purpose
In the face of the impermanence of time
In the face of all that makes this path
An uphill climb.
I go to her funeral
To share and accept the pain of those I love
Those who loved and will miss her dearly
My good friends, acquaintances,
Familiar faces, estranged lovers,
All of who traveled our wide circle.
I go to hold you all close
To reach out and into our aching hearts
Our need to know things we will never know
Our need to feel connected
To something larger than ourselves.
And I go for you
To bear witness to an important transition
In your life
Not just for the departed,
Her dear husband, children, friends and family
But for you,
The woman I have loved so dearly
Who shared dreams and brief moments
Filled with so much hope
And though we are at a point
In our long friendship
Where patience, understanding,
And closeness are at their most precarious
I feel your pain at this magnanimous loss
That is so close to your heart
This person we say farewell to today
That has been such a force in your life.
And though I had known them
Only peripherally
For years
Dancing around bars, bandstands, and living rooms
What I loved so much was seeing you through their loving eyes.
I admired your dedication to each other
And it helped me to know you better
To love you all more.
What I remember most about her is that
You seemed to always be reintroducing us,
Again and again, to our amusement.
"Do you know Connie?" you'd say,
And we'd laugh
As one of us would always hug the other
And say, "Of course,"
"Absolutely."
We'd smile, feeling a part of your world
A beautiful, warm circle of friends.
I loved that I always knew that no matter
What happened between you and I
That you would always have friends like them
To see you through the hard times
To be there when you needed them most.
I love them for helping me know your heart better
And you for allowing me the joy and pleasure
Of their smiling, joyous company.
~ for Leslie, Connie and Gary, 9/16/06
I'm going to the funeral of a woman that I barely knew
Because I believe she was kind to people.
I believe she was a generous spirit
And a giving soul.
So many people I know say the same.
I go because of her smile and laughter
Brightened my day whenever we met
Because her husband, quick with a pun,
Long on fun and good vibes
Always made me feel comfortable
Whenever I was in his sphere.
I believe that part of what makes us human
Able to live with the vicissitudes of this finite life
Is the sharing of our grief
The absorption of each others pain
To help us all lessen the hurt.
A gift of compassion.
I go to her funeral to say goodbye
To praise her life
Send her on her peaceful journey.
Later I will sing songs of joy and sadness
Meditate on transcendence
And living a life of purpose
In the face of the impermanence of time
In the face of all that makes this path
An uphill climb.
I go to her funeral
To share and accept the pain of those I love
Those who loved and will miss her dearly
My good friends, acquaintances,
Familiar faces, estranged lovers,
All of who traveled our wide circle.
I go to hold you all close
To reach out and into our aching hearts
Our need to know things we will never know
Our need to feel connected
To something larger than ourselves.
And I go for you
To bear witness to an important transition
In your life
Not just for the departed,
Her dear husband, children, friends and family
But for you,
The woman I have loved so dearly
Who shared dreams and brief moments
Filled with so much hope
And though we are at a point
In our long friendship
Where patience, understanding,
And closeness are at their most precarious
I feel your pain at this magnanimous loss
That is so close to your heart
This person we say farewell to today
That has been such a force in your life.
And though I had known them
Only peripherally
For years
Dancing around bars, bandstands, and living rooms
What I loved so much was seeing you through their loving eyes.
I admired your dedication to each other
And it helped me to know you better
To love you all more.
What I remember most about her is that
You seemed to always be reintroducing us,
Again and again, to our amusement.
"Do you know Connie?" you'd say,
And we'd laugh
As one of us would always hug the other
And say, "Of course,"
"Absolutely."
We'd smile, feeling a part of your world
A beautiful, warm circle of friends.
I loved that I always knew that no matter
What happened between you and I
That you would always have friends like them
To see you through the hard times
To be there when you needed them most.
I love them for helping me know your heart better
And you for allowing me the joy and pleasure
Of their smiling, joyous company.
~ for Leslie, Connie and Gary, 9/16/06
First published on my MySpace.com blog
Train 186, August 29
Listen...
young lovers coo
arms
lips
hearts
wrapped around each other.
Whispered breath
giggling glances
as the world
around them
falls away
one
soft
kiss
at a time.
young lovers coo
arms
lips
hearts
wrapped around each other.
Whispered breath
giggling glances
as the world
around them
falls away
one
soft
kiss
at a time.
~ written 8/29/06. First published in my MySpace.com/v32unes blog, 8/31/06 with the following note: "I was sitting behind two young lovers on the train and they made out all the way to NYC from Philly, undisturbed by life swirling around them. The thrill of new love. Hard to beat. I scribbled this down and handed it to them as I walked off the train."
Swimming Hole
That's me
the swimming hole.
Back-stroke
Side-stroke
Breast-stroke
Sun-stroke
Heart attack
Deep dish
Loose lipped
Guest passed
Smart-assed
Fool by the pool.
Capsized
Sinking slowly down
drained.
Back-stroke
Side-stroke
Breast-stroke
Sun-stroke
Heart attack
Deep dish
Loose lipped
Guest passed
Smart-assed
Fool by the pool.
Capsized
Sinking slowly down
drained.
~ August 8, 2006 - Arden, DE
The Tao of Butterflies
Why mourn the cocoon
After the butterfly has flown
-- anonymous
....
You are my friend
Confidant
My ballast
My great, lost love
And
Because of the weight
Of those commitments
We are destined
to disappoint
Each other on occasion.
Our love
the cocoon
From which two
delicate
beauties spring to life.
-- for LC. 8/8/06
After the butterfly has flown
-- anonymous
....
You are my friend
Confidant
My ballast
My great, lost love
And
Because of the weight
Of those commitments
We are destined
to disappoint
Each other on occasion.
Our love
the cocoon
From which two
delicate
beauties spring to life.
-- for LC. 8/8/06
The Politics of Desire
Trust your heart
I've heard it said
but what if then
your hearts gone dead
though still it beats
blood runs red
for trusting hearts
have long been bled.
Ravaged time
Crawls up your sleeve
So you toss
dream to its knees
And wake
Look quickly
Where am I?
round dusky bedroom
shadows lie
For a moment split
PLOP -- head first
toward pillowed warmth
flip it, thirst
for cooler side
fall back
upstream
where dreams collide.
but what if then
your hearts gone dead
though still it beats
blood runs red
for trusting hearts
have long been bled.
Ravaged time
Crawls up your sleeve
So you toss
dream to its knees
And wake
Look quickly
Where am I?
round dusky bedroom
shadows lie
For a moment split
PLOP -- head first
toward pillowed warmth
flip it, thirst
for cooler side
fall back
upstream
where dreams collide.
~ poem just before sleep. Spontaneous scribbling first posted on MySpace.com/v32unes blog on August 16, 2006. Love that cold pillow.
Farewell Cody Boy
Scientists say
you are no longer worthy
little Pluto.
Relegated
to the back yard
new company
stealing your glory
chewing your monkey
peeping out the window
solar system guard dog.
Cody too, now gone
13 years on
death sentence writ in shaky hand
old age the exterminator
loneliness
Stella-less
the final straw.
Gone where good dogs go
endless biscuits
endless bunny chase
endless walks
endless rides
endless treats.
no annoying
scary
squeaky floors
tables just tall enough
to not crack your skull
when you leap at doorbell
call.
no howling
fearful puppy maniac cry
caged
new world's dark unexplainability.
no yard dog perimeter
stroll
no tug-o'-war
protection tactic
no
no
no
no Cody boy.
Gone running
to his Stella
by starlight
big smile
shedding
white clouds
across the sky.
Our kids
gone before us
finality
of our lives together
underlined
bringing
us
again
family
if only for these precious
final
moments.
Breathe deep
late night
running buddy.
Running
right behind us
never alone
always
not wanting to miss a thing
excited
excitable boy.
And Pluto
no longer a planet
but always
one
lovable
dog
smiling
running
ecstatic
living large
for his moment.
Full tilt bozo.
you are no longer worthy
little Pluto.
Relegated
to the back yard
new company
stealing your glory
chewing your monkey
peeping out the window
solar system guard dog.
Cody too, now gone
13 years on
death sentence writ in shaky hand
old age the exterminator
loneliness
Stella-less
the final straw.
Gone where good dogs go
endless biscuits
endless bunny chase
endless walks
endless rides
endless treats.
no annoying
scary
squeaky floors
tables just tall enough
to not crack your skull
when you leap at doorbell
call.
no howling
fearful puppy maniac cry
caged
new world's dark unexplainability.
no yard dog perimeter
stroll
no tug-o'-war
protection tactic
no
no
no
no Cody boy.
Gone running
to his Stella
by starlight
big smile
shedding
white clouds
across the sky.
Our kids
gone before us
finality
of our lives together
underlined
bringing
us
again
family
if only for these precious
final
moments.
Breathe deep
late night
running buddy.
Running
right behind us
never alone
always
not wanting to miss a thing
excited
excitable boy.
And Pluto
no longer a planet
but always
one
lovable
dog
smiling
running
ecstatic
living large
for his moment.
Full tilt bozo.
~ written most likely August 25, 2006 in Wilmington, DE. Obit for my dog, Cody.
Cruel Words
All new to me
This feeling of solitude
even when surrounded
by friends
family
ghosts
memory
new experience
new life force
filling nooks
crannies of my days.
Still
the hollow
center of my heart
knows not where to turn
solace
slow in coming
peace
distant
though tangible
hope
the tiniest glimmer
but finally
back in the picture.
And how
do I find myself
doing
what I have spent a lifetime
avoiding doing,
acting
out
some
spontaneous
purging
of hurt
anger
need
fear
towards the one
who may
or may not
deserve it most
need it less
expect it
from me
not at all,
the person
I most
don't want to hurt.
Firing back
sharp shards
shrapnel
torn
from the shattered glass
of a heart
I no longer can feel
beating.
Forced from my gullet
by another
in a long line
of misunderstandings
misdiagnosed
misaligned
dramas
the product
of love
gone
bad,
trust
shot
to shit,
love
unaccepted
and squandered,
pain
unresolved.
I have no idea
who this man is
who cannot
be
perfect
who cannot
be
all
she once believed
me to be.
I wake to his shadow
hanging on the wall
above me.
I shut him
into the dark room
and I wait
for him to crawl out
from under
the door
my rusty scepter
of self-respect
and remorse
in my grip
hoping
I am strong enough
to beat him
back
into the dark.
even when surrounded
by friends
family
ghosts
memory
new experience
new life force
filling nooks
crannies of my days.
Still
the hollow
center of my heart
knows not where to turn
solace
slow in coming
peace
distant
though tangible
hope
the tiniest glimmer
but finally
back in the picture.
And how
do I find myself
doing
what I have spent a lifetime
avoiding doing,
acting
out
some
spontaneous
purging
of hurt
anger
need
fear
towards the one
who may
or may not
deserve it most
need it less
expect it
from me
not at all,
the person
I most
don't want to hurt.
Firing back
sharp shards
shrapnel
torn
from the shattered glass
of a heart
I no longer can feel
beating.
Forced from my gullet
by another
in a long line
of misunderstandings
misdiagnosed
misaligned
dramas
the product
of love
gone
bad,
trust
shot
to shit,
love
unaccepted
and squandered,
pain
unresolved.
I have no idea
who this man is
who cannot
be
perfect
who cannot
be
all
she once believed
me to be.
I wake to his shadow
hanging on the wall
above me.
I shut him
into the dark room
and I wait
for him to crawl out
from under
the door
my rusty scepter
of self-respect
and remorse
in my grip
hoping
I am strong enough
to beat him
back
into the dark.
~ written around late August 2006, Delaware. Most likely on 8/26/06 when it was first published in my MySpace.com/v32unes blog. Dark, introspective days.
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