ODD MAN IN/OUT

i.
The gentlest of souls
Simple yet complex
Spontaneous choices
Based on practiced self-trust —
To want someone else’s happiness
More than your own
Is dangerous stuff
A slippery trail
To an illusively rewarding summit.
Finally reaching the peak
the view from the top
Can be cloud covered
Socked in
So one must contemplate...
Turn back
Descend...
Sit still
And wait...
In the best
of all worlds
What will be seen,
Invigorating
And disconcerting
Mesmerizing
And polarizing,
May at minimum
Remind us of only
What we have given up
On the climb.
The passing time
Those left behind
The pain in your legs
Spine
Feet
Soul
Reminders of what remains:
The sky
Behind the clouds.

ii.
And sometimes
I want to cry at the sight
Of her
But my smile
Squenches my eyes up
Too tightly to let the tears flow.
Just me.
That infamous
“walking contradiction
partly fact
partly fiction.”
Being me.
Basket case happy
Backpack full of sad.

She reflects me.
We reflect each other
Quick to process
Slow to act
Full of ideas
Shy on follow up.
We settle
And we plan
And we move towards
The next thing
That fills the unfillable.

Seductive mirror
Shining each other’s image
Too often
Neglecting our own.
We know life is simpler than we make it
More complex than we wish it.
And in her arms
I feel my own heart beating.

iii.
Watching your affection for each other
Revealing itself
Explored
Expressed
In little hugs
Elbow kisses
Magnetic touches
Your happiness
Sweetness
Dare I say romantic side?
Turning me on
As always
That I so desire to sidle up to
The both of you
Our legs crossed over yours
A simple hand on your hip.
You
Surrounded by hope
Nothing overt
Just contact
Touching unspoken love
Showing you both
How being a special part of your lives
Makes some kind of sacred sense
So deeply felt
Though present moment’s tenuous confusion
Finds so little
Space
For those feelings
To land.
Odd man out.

iv.
With you in my bed
Radiant face smiling up at me
In candlelight glow
Glad to be back under the weight of me
Glad to be back clutching the breath of you
I am welcomed home
Into the longed for arms
The soul of a fragile woman
Stronger than the elements
Brighter than the sun
Moth man, me
Drawn to a flame
Flickering
For someone else.
I dig your heat
Angel.
From wherever
I am.
Odd man in.



~For Molly 7/10-13/08, BIG BEAR CITY

HER CURVY WICK BURNS END TO END

Her curvy wick burns end to end
like life's big questions unanswered
over
and over
again.

Cycles spin
hearts align and mis-align
seek some level of comfort
in the blood flood
towards extinction.

And our cells replicate, die out, replicate
like our loves
like our doubts
like our victories and defeats
all in the service of some resilient
resistance to acceptance
-- distraction
the devil's stepchild.



~for Molly. 5/2/08 First published in response to a story on her MySpace blog.