Spigot

I.

stranger;
nemesis to himself
foisting drill-press limitation
hard-edged
guilt by disassociation
fire line discombobulation
on one's own psyche.

not particularly healthy
non-controllable, weirdly osmotic
chemical reaction to heart's conundrums;
not conducive to positive growth potential.
lose the diagnosis
...race for the cure.

II.

there has not been a day
without tears
(waterfall;
glacial trickle > ocean roar
record setting, soaking pearls
of rejected anger, mists of acceptance
beauty's reflected appreciation
longing’s widening, leaking fissure)
raining for 49 humid days
dark, ebony nights.
after 15 years of drought,
thirsting for tear's acknowledgment
of some dab of emotion left floating inside,
the partched earth
rock solid
impenetrable
like my stupidity
my rigorous, inflexible blinders
the spidery flawed face of the self-loathing mirror
turned shamefully to the wall.
Barely a smidgen of moisture crept through.
But what did seeped into the cracked weaknesses
of my hardened self-hatred
created rivulets of hope
positive flow


(beneath the surface,
waterways tinged of reminiscence
just navigable
in the eerie inner darkness,
the memory of passionate language of thought
floating
downstream
toward that light)

III.

my face
flushes briefly with the warmth...
stopping breath
time
memory
flow
only to slip further away
always, unexplainably out of her grasp
always mysteriously in reach
waiting
always for that warm glimmer
upon my saddened brow.

always
the light
she silently calls out
whispering my given name
singing the word "beautiful"
softly on my every breath.

always
a darker reality
than the soul can bear.

IV.

time cradles light like a fragile child
sneering menacingly at the baby's face
calling its hand.
full of love, sustenance and compassion
the light's radiant smile
briefly tickles time's chin
only to dim
in it's powerful stare.

-- 6/23/96


SPIGOT was also published in an early version in the poetry zine, A Hindu, A Buddhist & A Lion Tamer #2 (Folcroft, PA 1996). That early version also made an appearance in the poetry zine, The Children of the Light, Vol. 1 published in Hockessin, DE in Summer 1997. The earlier version can be found here in a blog listing called MORE EARLY PUBLISHED WORK from March 23, 2010.