I.
Alone
I live a waking dream
each moment
touched
a truth unseen.
But there she is before me still
as real as evening’s coming thrill
Alone
awake where vision strong
each moment
graced
by sleep’s sweet song
and all I feel surrounding me
as real as dreamed lucidity
Alone
I sleep and she is there
beside me fingers in her hair
pressed warm and close against me, tight
as dawn to day, dream to night
Alone
I live a waking dream
each moment
touched
a truth unseen
and here she is, here safe from harm
a waking dream safe in my arms
II.
What’s that sound of breaking glass?
or shattered hearts
or time that passed
too fast
too soon
too good to last?
What is that sound?
III.
Am I a fool for falling in
your pool of eyes that capture men
to steal their hearts and make them spin.
Am I a fool for falling in?
Was I a fool to just not see
that you could never fall for me
or just a man with hopes and dreams
just wanting love and softer things?
Was I a fool to just not see?
And as a fool, I wait in line
for short, sweet moments that I find
each time your eyes look into mine
so still this fool, he waits in line.
Of course, I just can’t help myself
hope you could want me on your shelf
in spite of all my inner doubts
to sing your praises, shout them out
and so this fool can’t help himself.
I’ll be this fool until I die
for beauty will just catch my eye
and make me hope and dream and cry.
I’ll be this fool until I die.
And as a fool I stand my ground
won’t trade a moment I have found
so while I can, I’ll hang around…
to catch a glimpse, to see you smile
to hear you laugh, to spend a while
to touch your hand, to dream and pray
that maybe once, perhaps someday
I’ll hold you close and feel your skin
against my own and someday when
I’ll taste your lips, so soft and sweet
thank destiny, led us to meet.
IV.
In the aftermath
of your confession
I can
literally
think
of nothing
except the excruciating fact
that we may
never
experience
our
first
kiss
together. This
simple
fact alone
completely
ruins
my day.
V.
“What would you like?” she said to me with her usual rushed but sweetly genuine smile.
Super white tuna, sliced jalapenos, salmon, wasabi tobiko,
wrapped around
cruncy spicy tuna and more jalapenos.
I realize that I just asked you for “A Kiss of Fire.”
You laugh. “Later”
and giggling
walk on to the next waiting table.
My eyes well up
and burn
long
before
the meal
arrives.
VI.
And when I leave town
can I get a picture
too?
Smile pretty
with you
on my arm?
A souvenir
of a heart
that fell
too
fast.
VII.
Soon, I’ll be gone. Distant.
Surrounded by loving family.
Seductive waves of lustful adventure
two glorious women on either side of me
caressing my excitement
my neglected years
realized dreams and fantasies.
But amidst these joyous days
not one will go by unscathed
without yearning
for your passing touch
upon my waiting arm
laid across this sticky table
counting the minutes
until you pass again
always saying, “I’ll be right back”
always a soft touch of your fingertips
or if I’m lucky
a sharp, friendly slap on my bicep
when I say some smart or funny remark.
How I love, miss
and long for those sharp, little slaps
wishing for one
right now
right here
right anywhere
wherever I am.
VIII.
This moment
a realization
that no matter how patient
how slowly we take it
how careful and considered my every move
at this very moment
as you go home to his arms
to your books
your studious nights
that my dreaming is just that,
the void within me cannot be filled
as it has been thus far
with your smiles
glancing touches
quick hello and goodnight hugs
and splattered
half-finished sentences.
In a world of hope
that which seemed enough
Is now just shattered dreams
become real.
But still
with each moment
each look into your eyes,
even if it’s some one-sided connection
I’ve fabricated in my hopeful imagination,
can so change
the definition of beauty and life
as we know it.
And to say I’ve seen something in those eyes
smiling back at me
a blessing
I’ll not soon forget.
IX.
When you told me you were spoken for
a boyfriend there behind your door
oh, how my heart crashed to the floor
surprising me
surprising me.
I wondered how I’d spend my time
instead of looking forward to
our fleeting moments so sublime
I wanted you
so wanted you.
Though lovers, two
I hold so close
with tenderness
and lust and love,
it seems my arms desire the most
embracing, open sharing of
impassioned hearts and minds and souls
of those who can observe me whole,
in all my splendid dignity
to hurt no one, creatively.
In you and them
found those who can
embrace this loving
“Renaissance man.”
Not something that I’d call myself
more like “A Dreaming Realist”
expect that where I am, I’ll be,
for bliss and pain, both sides we see.
The zin, the yang; the good, the bad
And so it goes, the happy, sad
In life, in love, in ecstasy
is also sorrow, hurt and we
accept both sides and become free.
So love, at times comes easily
or grabs us when we least expect.
We pray don’t treat love carelessly
enjoy the thrill with deep respect.
It wavers, drifts, ebbs and flows
so we must grab it when it shines.
However long its fire glows
ignoring so much fleeting time.
~ lyrics and poetics inspired by LS
